“Someday, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides, and gravity, we shall harness the energies of love. Then for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.” Unknown
Is there really anything more wonderful than being in love and feeling loved by another? Why do we choose a particular partner? What are we really seeking?
A relationship begins because two people see something within each other that fulfills something within themselves. Whether through friendship or romance, each person contributes their personal strengths and emotional ‘gifts’ to the benefit of another, and, in return, they receive what they need.
This occurs without our conscious awareness. But, if you could become consciously aware of what you contribute and what you need in a relationship in order to feel loved and secure and fulfilled, would the dynamics of your relationships change in a positive way? Or would your choices in partners and friendships become quite different?
There are 3-5 critical elements that you need in order for you to feel loved, supported, and secure in your relationships. These elements are different for everyone.
Part of your personal value system, these elements often originate in your childhood from your first perceptions of feeling loved and secure. Most often we are unaware of these elements and how important they are to our sense of security and wellbeing.
For example, in your childhood perhaps your mother or father would sometimes tuck you in at night and kiss you on the forehead, stroke your hair, and tell you that they loved you. This made you feel blissfully warm and fuzzy and very secure. So, as an adult, for you, love will only be recognized when you receive physical and verbal expressions of affection.
Someone growing up in another family might not have received physical affection. Perhaps your parents became divorced and your dad brought presents when he visited and that made you feel important. So, for you, love needs to be demonstrated by receiving gifts and being treated special. If you don’t receive this, you won’t feel loved.
A person who grew up in a dysfunctional home without feeling loved or seeing healthy demonstrations of love between family members will not have learned how to give or receive love in healthy ways. When you don't believe your parents really loved or wanted you, how can you really believe that you are worthy of love or that anyone else can love you?
Your value system will also incorporate personal moral values. For example, honesty might be very important to you. Trust in the form of monogamy might therefore be paramount. But, for others trust and open honesty might need to be demonstrated in the form of allowing freedom and independence, and that might conflict with YOUR idea of trust and honesty, and therefore make you feel insecure.
Your values are highly personal and form the foundation for your own personal security. I like to call this your ‘4 chair legs’ because it is the seat of your security. When one or more of these elements is removed, it causes your security ‘chair’ to wobble and fall.
If you can recognize and become alert to your ‘4 chair legs’ you can take steps to create greater security in your relationships. First, take some time to sit down and figure out exactly what you need in any relationship in order to feel loved and secure. Choose at least 4 elements, and prioritize them. Write this down so you have clarity.
Next, make a list of the qualities or ‘gifts’ that you feel you bring into a relationship. If you don’t understand what you bring into your relationship, you won’t understand why someone could love you. Are you fun, affectionate, loyal, sensitive, independent, a great cook, responsible, serious, intelligent, nurturing, or adventurous? What are your qualities that you take for granted but that someone else might appreciate and value? What are your personal quirks? They might actually be endearing to someone else.
If you want an honest, mature relationship that is more likely to succeed, it is important to share your ‘4 chair legs’ with your potential partners. The ideal time is in the first few weeks of a relationship before you have already become deeply emotionally invested. But, even if you have been in a relationship for a while, you can do this.
For example, you might say “This is what I need in a relationship in order to feel loved and secure. Is this something that you can provide for me?” Then ask your partner to share with you. “What do you need in order to feel loved?” This open discussion and declaration makes it much easier to talk to your partner later on in the relationship when something happens that shakes your sense of security. “Honey, one of my 4 chair legs is a little wobbly here. Can we talk?”
Talk about what you feel you contribute to the relationship, and ask if this is what your partner might value. Ask your partner what he or she feels they bring into the relationship. Is this something you might value?
Often we think we know what someone needs and what we want. But when we actually talk about it, we discover we really don’t know at all! Someone can love you very deeply. But, if it is not demonstrated in a way that you can recognize as love, you simply will not feel loved by this person. You can love someone deeply. But, if they cannot love you in the way that you need, then it is time to move on and find someone who can love you in the way that you need. Otherwise you will always feel a sense of longing and unrequited love.
By sharing your basic elements for security, you not only find your own pillar of balance, you also discover whether your partner can provide what you need, and whether you can satisfy your partner’s needs. This heightened mature awareness gives you insight into what is required for enhancing and strengthening a loving relationship where both partners needs are met.
Never enter a relationship with emotional baggage and defensiveness from a previous relationship. You will only project this onto your partner, and that is not fair at all! And, for the same reason, never EVER enter a relationship with someone who isn’t completely over their ex! You'll take the brunt of their 'baggage' and just end up being a 'fixer-upper' for their next partner! Here are some clues that you aren’t over your ex: Do you say derogatory things about your ex? Do you feel your ex-partner is at fault? Do you speak or act in a way that demonstrates anger or resentment toward your ex? Are you afraid to open up because you have been hurt?
We offer these lovely living flower essence fusions to help heal your past relationships and allow you to become free to move on:
HEARTBREAK HEAL ~ DIVORCE HEAL ~ SERENITY ~ ABANDONMENT HEAL
Do you attract unhealthy relationships? It may be due to your childhood relationship with your father. Were you abandoned? Or was your dad abusive, troubled, or emotionally unavailable? Do you keep choosing troubled or ‘unavailable’ partners (married or emotionally distant)? Women tend to keep replaying their father issues through their relationships! To dissolve this self-sabotaging tendency, we recommend our essence fusion FATHER ISSUES. We also recommend FATHER ISSUES if you are a male who tends to choose troubled partners to ‘rescue’.
Do you have trouble holding your balance in relationships and tend to become needy, jealous, and insecure? Try our living essence fusion HOLDING MY OWN SPACE.
LOVE EMPOWERED essence fusion can help you reopen your heart and recover your loving nature when you have felt betrayed or hurt by your partner and have closed down. This essence, which contains the frequencies of love, opens you to be more loving and forgiving. It can help you know whether or not you still love and cherish your partner.
Are you looking for new love? You can’t find someone new if you continue with the same routine every day. Get out of your rut and explore your world. Try new experiences. Have some adventures. Not only does it make you more interesting, it opens opportunities to meet new people.
We offer these essence fusions to enhance your attraction factor! LOVE MAGNET helps you feel fun and flirty, while increasing your receptivity. LOVE MAGNET helps attract love and affection of all kinds! GODDESS is subtly seductive, magnetic, earthy, and enticing—Venus meets Gaia--like a femme fatale. Men notice!
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