When I was in my early 20’s I was madly in love for the first time. But, the young man I was wanted to marry was given an opportunity to work abroad for 6 months, earning 4X his normal income.
He asked me what he should do. My heart cried out, wanting to say ‘Don’t go! Please stay with me’. But, I didn’t want to get in the way of such an amazing career opportunity, thinking that he might later resent me for it. So, instead of saying what was in my heart, allowing him to make his decision with all the facts present, I reverted to the detached comfort of logic. I simply said “Well, if it were me, I wouldn’t let anyone get in the way of my career.”
So he left, not knowing how I truly felt about him.
Years later, a male friend pointed out how unfair that was to the man I loved, and how my silence had likely changed our destinies. He told me that by withholding my true feelings, I had actually manipulated the outcome, because my lover had made his choice based only on the information he had. Well, that was certainly a burden of karma I had not fully realized. After that, I vowed to always have the courage to be honest about my feelings.
15 years later, on my birthday, I ran into my old lover at the grocery store. By then he was married with 2 kids. But, I had never married, because I was still in love with this man. Under florescent lights with crates of apples and oranges between us, I told him exactly how I felt. He didn’t say a word. But, I left feeling free and unburdened for the first time in 15 years. I wished him love and happiness … and I went on to find my own.
10 years later he left his wife, came and found me, and asked me to marry him. Turns out he had loved me all that time, carrying a burden of silence, too.
The words you’ve left unspoken gather energy in the heart and body. Emotions, especially love, are not meant to be bottled up as though they are something of which we should be ashamed. Love is meant to be expressed, shared, and elevated to joy and gratitude. If you were to die tomorrow, what words do you have that are left unspoken? What is the one thing you would want someone to know? Where in your life do you need to speak from the heart?
It is not always easy to say how we really feel. Fear of shame, rejection, hurting someone, or being misunderstood causes us to hold back, play emotional games, or to say only what we think the other person wants to hear. But, speaking with truth and honesty releases the burden of silence and the karma that accompanies that silence and misunderstanding.
It is most important to speak honestly, without motive or goal. Don’t speak from a place of hope or wanting, or you will only feel disappointed. If you speak with the aim of eliciting a response, you are manipulating the person, rather than freeing both of you. Hold your tongue.
It takes great integrity to say how you really feel without an ulterior motive, to speak from a place of letting go, of cutting the chord of karma that lies within the silence, so that you can move forward unencumbered, with your soul free. Good or bad, in giving that gift of truth and honesty, you add something valuable and ultimately wonderful to the other person’s life, even if it is painful, or might not be what they want to hear. There is a freedom that opens up. In that freedom, miracles can happen and destiny finds its mark, though it is rarely what you expected. ~
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