Have you ever noticed that people see you differently than you see yourself?
Most often it is your family who sees you through a different lens. Why do you think that happens? Is it because you alter yourself to ‘fit in’ and belong?
We are born as our natural selves. We LEARN to be something else in order to belong and fit in. Belonging helps us to stay safe. We learn this first with our family.
Using shame, criticism, or humiliation to parent causes children to perceive they are unworthy. They start to believe love must be earned, that they are not lovable unless they are perfect, that they are different and don’t fit in.
You become conditioned to do what is acceptable, what will garner favour, what won’t make waves, or what others want from you. When you give others what they want, you hope to feel accepted and safe. Belonging and security are two of our most basic needs, and those needs makes us very susceptible to influence when we are young and can’t fend for ourselves.
Was it safe to be yourself within your family?
Wearing a mask of ‘niceness’, acting to please others, and not being your true self are symptoms of shame. It’s your early childhood experiences that prompt you to become a ‘people-pleaser’. You learned quickly that being a ‘good girl’ causes less friction, upset or punishment.
Paradoxically, these false ‘nice’ behaviours further undermine confidence and self esteem, cause even more guilt, insecurity and shame, and promote a disconnect or isolation from others. You see, without a commitment to honesty with yourself and with others you become untrustworthy, and you can never really be comfortable or at home in your own body. You can’t hold meaningful, enduring relationships. They fall apart as soon as you let down your guard and start to be yourself.
It's easy to mistake this rejection as 'you aren't worthy of love', or 'you are a bad person'. But, that's not the case. That person fell in love with a person you were PRETENDING to be, not the real you. They are aligned with THAT person. So the relationship can never work.
When you are authentic, you attract partners who like the REAL you. These partners are already aligned with your true values and personality. Therefore, the relationships are more enduring.
Feeling good about ourselves is a basic need. But, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our sense of self-acceptance and belonging within ourself.
Did you know that 90% of people do not test positive for the statement “I LOVE MYSELF”? We need to understand WHY we hustle for worthiness rather than simply claiming it as our right.
When FITTING IN you are assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be in order to be accepted and loved. If you don’t receive acceptance, you feel insecure and off balance.
When feeling a sense of BELONGING you do not feel compelled to change. You remain comfortable within yourself and can effortlessly be who you really are.
About 75% of people do not test positive for the statement ‘My mother loves me.’ But, almost everyone tests positive for the statement ‘I love my mother.’ We love. But we don't feel loved.
Did you feel loved and accepted by your mother and your family? Or did you try to earn love?
Where (or with whom) do you feel the greatest sense of belonging now?
SHAME is our greatest impediment to worthiness. Feeling ‘flawed’ causes self-sabotage, self-judgment, and self-punishment.
Self-criticism, judging yourself, guilt, not forgiving, compromise, conformity, and ignoring your own needs are ways you betray and abandon yourself in order to try and fit in. You’re playing it safe, compromising who you really are. But, that leads to emotional starvation and a loss of your dreams.
Emotional starvation triggers neurotransmitters that signal your body to store fat! Your body and mind can't tell the difference between physical starvation and emotional starvation. So, if you are overweight or struggle with weight issues, it could be because you are conforming or trying to belong and fit in. You are giving away your power.
Perfectionism is NOT self-improvement. Feeling compelled to be perfect is based on placing importance on what others will think or perceive, not on ‘how can I improve and grow.”
Fitting in = Conformity. Conformity lessens everyone’s self-worth, tolerance, imagination, and creativity. It fosters prejudice and bullying. There is very little growth and even less joy when you conform to others.
Is this what your children are learning? Teaching your children to be proud of being different or unique is one of the best gifts you can give them. Help them to understand how their differences are the very gifts they have to contribute to others.
SYMPTOMS of staying safe instead of being boldly authentic:
anxiety ~ depression ~ bullied ~ weight problems ~ low self esteem ~ self-punishment ~ procrastination ~ eating disorders ~ addiction ~ anger ~ blame ~ resentment ~ physical pain ~ unhappiness ~ inexplicable grief ~ dead-end jobs ~ dysfunctional relationships
The grief and loss that accompanies abandonment or rejection of self is often perceived as feeling abandoned or rejected by others. You may not realize the parts of yourself you have given away in your search for acceptance, safety, belonging, love, or a partner.
Take a moment and make a list of all your qualities and all those skills and abilities you feel you have to contribute to others. Ask your friends to help you with your list. They may see what you don’t!
This is your VALUE to others.
Be sure to read that list regularly so you don’t forget how amazing you are! Add to it as you begin to become aware of your own qualities.
Now list what you perceive to be your negative attributes or flaws.
Rename this list “IDIOSYNCRASIES”.
Notice how your perception changes when you label it differently. Isn’t it more fun and eccentric to have idiosyncrasies? Suddenly it makes you unique, exotic and interesting! What you don't realize is this is why most people love you … they love your realness, your character flaws, your ‘differentness’, not your perfection.
Now look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself “I am marvelous!” (it will make you laugh AND feel better about yourself). Make it a daily habit!
We offer so many wonderful live flower frequency fusions to assist in awakening your self-worth! Try ...
SELF ACCEPTANCE ~ SELF FORGIVENESS ~LOVE YOURSELF ~ SELF ESTEEM or MY AUTHENTIC SELF
With these fast-acting live flower frequencies, in just 3 days you’ll begin to feel so much better about yourself. Use for 21 days or longer for lasting effect.
Keep in mind that when dealing with subjective issues such as self perception and personal ethics, our products can’t negate your conscience so that nothing will ever bother or upset you again. (You'd become a sociopath or narcissist if we did that!) Our flower frequencies can only overwrite or transmute how you feel about what has already happened.
'Life' is going to continue to happen. And that will affect your self perception. So, remember to repeat your essence fusion once a month for 3-5 days (or take your flower essence fusion immediately whenever something shakes your self-confidence so that it will immediately dissolve and no longer affect you). In this way you become proactive to ensure you remain happy and in a positive state of mind and being.
Would you like assistance or support to help you more effortlessly shift your life, your beliefs, and your emotional state of being? That's why we're here! We have now resumed photo testing servicesfor our essence fusions! (Sorry: custom testing services will not be available until after the release our upcoming home study program)
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