OK ... I admit it ... I have never been able to compromise well.  I just can't pretend that something is OK when it isn't.  I resent censoring the things I need in my life in order to try and make someone else happy.  I've learned that it really doesn't make them happy either.  And, more importantly I begin to suffer with insecurity and self-doubt when I am not being true to myself and living authentically.  

From a young age we are taught through punishment and reward to behave in a way that will elicit the acceptance, love and security we desire.  We all want to 'fit in', to belong and feel loved and accepted.  And so we follow the latest fads--dress and act like others.  We 'dull down' our behaviour to conform.  We stop being our true selves to become a more acceptable version of who we think we should be.

Conformity is how society maintains control, structure, and safety within the context of family, culture, community, country, as well as within our own personal lives.  By becoming the same as others we hope to belong, feel closer, become equal, create strength, feel 'normal' and somehow lessen the risk of isolation and separation.  But, the tyranny of the word ‘normal’ is conformity    

Conformity brings out the worst in everyone.  It is risk-free, challenge-free, easy.  It diminishes your self-worth, your tolerance, talents, imagination and creativity.  It lessens your ability think independently and clearly.  

Conformity is a compromise within yourself.  Fear of confrontation, of standing out, of being criticized for being different or showing your true power, is what keeps people from speaking out about things that outrage them, or about things in which they believe.  Conformity is what induces kids to cruelly tease and ridicule other kids … what incites mobs and hate-mongering … what seduces people to blindly subscribe to the latest fads and unhealthy practices like smoking and drinking.   Conformity is what allows media and advertising to influence you so effortlessly.  

Conformity creates and fosters prejudice and narrow-mindedness and inhibits your ability to think for yourself.  It stops you from being brilliant or talented and from surpassing others.  That means conformity suppresses your soul.

Nelson Mandela once said “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, “who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?”  Actually, who are you not to be!  Your playing small doesn't serve the world.  There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.”  (the message was originally written by current US presidential candidate Marianne Williamson) 

We need to stop teaching and encouraging our children to conform.  From an early age we need to show them that being an individual is something of which they can be proud.  Individuality is a quality that brings out the best in each of us and gives us each something unique to contribute to the world.  Who would YOU be now if this had been taught to you when you were a child? 

Those who maintain the status quo, who ‘fit in’ and belong, have never made any real difference in the world.  They actually prevent change and progress   

It is the 'cultural creatives'--the curious, the adventurous, the quirky and the open-minded who first discover new horizons that expand our perceptions and perspective.  Individuals who have marched to the tune of their own drummer, artists, pioneers and inventors who have the courage to be different and have the strength to follow their convictions, these are the people who make life richer and more colourful, meaningful, and vibrant for us all.  YOU have within you the capacity to be one of these amazing people.  

While we are all part of a collective consciousness, our individual contribution comes from our uniqueness, not our sameness.  What you see as flaws within you might actually be interesting indiosyncracies to someone else.  Your unique contribution, your unique personality and outlook is what expands both human and universal consciousness.   It is life-affirming when you consciously accept your unique self and and follow your own unique destiny!    

What is YOUR unique contribution?      

If you cannot readily answer this question, this is a clue that you are compromising and suppressing who you truly are.  You are living with the brakes on!  It may be safe, but there is very little growth and even less joy.

My soul purpose is to be an innovator, creator, and catalyst for change.  I reach into the hearts of people to help them get in touch with who they really are and what they really feel.  In the process I help to expand people's perspectives and challenge their present reality and level of true honesty so that they can be their very best.  

Sounds good right?  But, to some I am ‘an electric eel in a bowl of goldfish.”  I rub a lot of people the wrong way.  I've had to learn that this is perfectly OK.  I don't have control over what other people think or believe about me.  Their perceptions are filtered through their own emotional debris.  

Had I listened to those people and their criticisms and opinions of me, I would have shrunken into something small and powerless.  Would I then have risked ridicule or rejection and helped thousands of people as I am doing now?  Instead, I worked fiercely to really know myself and what makes me unique, without letting other people colour my self-perception.  That aligns me with my own soul and gives me power.  

Life becomes meaningless when you hold back from being the extraordinary person you are.  Boredom and lethargy sets in when you opt for security and stop seeking adventure and growth.  Depression results when you suppress your thoughts and feelings.  Your self esteem diminishes when you play it safe and don't share your gifts.  You come to believe you are less than you truly are.  

Try even one of these steps toward living life more richly as a juicy individual:

1. Be magnificent!  When you see yourself in the mirror each morning, exclaim “I am marvelous!”  It will make you laugh AND feel good about yourself!
2. Embrace the unknown.  Deliberately do something each day that you've never done before.  Try a new food.  Take a different work route to work.  Talk to a stranger.  Explore a new concept or idea.
3. Stop caring what others will think.  What others thing about you is none of your business.  It is only a perception, filtered through their own lens.  It isn't reality. 
4. Do something alone.  Discover your own companionship.  Be your own entertainment.  It tends to stretch you beyond your own boundaries.  It's okay to take along a sketch book or journal, a book, camera, or hiking shoes.  It can make you become more fascinating to others!  
5. Stop being a fake.  Don't be what you THINK you should be.  Be what you want to be.  Live for yourself, not the world.
6. Take risks.  Even love is a risk.
7. Discover your real self.  Make a list of all your qualities.  Title it “Attributes”.  Then make another list citing your flaws and weak areas.  Title it Idiosyncrasies.”  Notice from this perspective how your flaws become unique and interesting qualities.  Look how unique you are!
8. Live ONLY your own life.  And stop telling others how to live their lives!  (That includes your adult children!)  Respect yourself.  Respect others.  We each have a right to our own path.  There is no wrong path.  Ever.
9. Think for yourself.  Break away from societal structures that tell you what to think, what to believe, and how to act.  Trust your own intelligence.  Use your intuition.  Ask questions.  Find your own personal truth by exploring other countries, cultures, philosophies.  Then reflect that truth within your own life.   In this way you teach your children to be individuals and think for themselves, as well. ~

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