What causes control issues?
Control issues = I don't feel safe
It's an instinctive psychological response that occurs when you feel threatened, unsafe, and powerless. Considering that security is your most basic need, wanting to feel in control would seem to be perfectly normal
You have 7 basic needs ...
Belonging ~ Self Esteem ~ Love ~ Happiness ~ Safety/Security ~ Fulfillment ~ Challenge/Growth
When these 7 basic needs are met you feel secure and happy
But, when you grow up in an environment that does not feel safe or secure, you quickly develop coping mechanisms to maintain a feeling of safety and security. If you have experienced dysfunctional family situations such as a perfectionist parent, criticism, abuse, an alcoholic or mentally ill parent, abandonment, or foster care, you will very likely developed control issues
Did you know that by the time you were is 5 years old, you had already decided what you need to do in order to survive? What monumental life choices to make at such an early age!
Control issues and perfectionism develop in childhood, generally around the age of 5 years. Age 5 is when you first become aware of yourself in the context of your environment and other people. You begin to develop social awareness and learn about yourself in relation to your family and others
When a child is subjected to criticism, neglect, verbal or physical abuse, or bullying by parents, or when a child feels abandoned, unloved, or that he or she has no choice or control over what is happening, that child quickly decides the only person they can truly count on is self
Almost everyone around the globe has been experiencing a constant threat for the past few years. And along with that threat, a feeling of powerlessness
So, it is no surprise that control issues are emerging as one of the most common psychological side effects of the pandemic. As well, the rate of suicide and clinical depression has risen sharply to an unprecedented high, especially among children and teens
Unconscious control patterns often prevent flower essences from working as effectively as they should. Control suppresses your feelings, keeping a lid on painful memories and experiences. So, every time the essences begin to release buried emotions and thought patterns, your brain wants to intercede and stop the process to protect you from anticipated discomfort or pain
The 14 faces of CONTROL:
A person who feels insecure will create corresponding control responses and behaviours that eventually develop into self-limiting, freedom-choking lifestyles that hold them back in every aspect of life and make them unhappy prisoners. Control mechanisms start out as safety nets. But, they end up becoming self-limitations that cause you to feel 'stuck'. Worse yet, you can't figure out why you're stuck
Which control face do YOU wear?
- Defensive Autonomy: Inability to bond deeply with others. "The people i love will leave me." “I can only rely on myself. Everyone else will let me down.” or "If I don't let anyone in, I can't get hurt." or "I will leave before someone has a chance to reject or leave me."
- Excessive materialism: "I must have security"
- Critical/Analytical: “If I don’t do it myself, it won’t get done right.”
- Suppression/Submission: “If I stay quiet, agreeable and don’t speak up, I won't experience disruption and can stay safe.”
- Perfectionist: “I must be perfect in order to be loved.” "Everything has to be just right before I can be happy/have a relationship (etc)."
- Workaholic: “If I work hard and over-achieve, I will earn love, appreciation and praise, or become worthy of love.”
- Under-achiever: “If I stay in this unfulfilling dead-end job or relationship, I will stay safe. I won’t have to take risks or try something and fail.” or "Better what I know than what I don't know."
- Powerless: “If I stay an invalid, victim, or helpless and in need of others, then others will nurture me and I won’t be abandoned.”
- Depression/Numbness: “If I don’t let myself feel, I can’t suffer pain, anguish or helplessness.”
- Empath: Avoidance of confrontation. “If I can ‘read’ the emotional energy of those around me, I can adjust my behaviour to give people what they want and need and I can ensure harmony.” (This is the core reason for empathic abilities to develop)
- Narcissist: "If I manipulate or control other people's perceptions of me, and appear perfect, I can ensure that they will love me and will not abandon or leave me."
- Nurturer/Rescuer: “I want to make sure others have what I never had.” or “I want to ensure the same trauma/experience does not happen to others.” or "If I am indispensable and my family and others need me, they won't leave me."
- Fixer: "If I can fix/change this troubled man and make him love me, it will prove that my father was wrong for not loving me and for leaving me." or "If I can solve other people's problems, they will need me." or "If I am indispensable, I won't be abandoned/fired/rejected."
- Inflexibility: "It's not safe to trust anyone to get this right" "I don't want to suffer the consequences of someone else's screw-up" "Change is scarey"
These types of negative beliefs and behaviours keep you from feeling true happiness and experiencing love
Control behaviours and their corresponding childhood experiences and beliefs form the very root of your unhealthy personal beliefs about life. They empower any negative emotional issue you might harbour now
Having 'rules' to create a feeling of safety and keep you from getting hurt by others only limits your life experiences and choices and prevents you from creating change. It keeps you feeling inexplicably stuck
That's why many of our protocols begin with a control release essence fusion. Once you release your control issues you begin to respond to life, rather than reacting
You can more easily release your negative feelings without resorting to one of your backup control behaviours. You'll feel more free, unencumbered, spontaneous, and able to go with life's daily flow. You can begin to have adventures and attract synchronicity. Your relationships will improve. In fact, your entire perspective of reality can change to one that is more life affirming
We offer several control-releasing essence fusions. These products address different aspects of mental control, allowing for greater personal and emotional freedom:
I Am Flexible ~ Control Release ~ Flow ~ Serenity ~ Divorce Heal ~ Open Heart
Releasing personal control is only the first step in reclaiming a happy, free life. When we create a protocol for you, (via one of our testing procedures) we follow a 3-step process
The next step is to heal the past by removing the emotional charge of your negative past experiences
Once that is accomplished, we can then replace the old feelings with positive, life-affirming feelings such as self esteem, self nurturing, empowerment and love
That is why we give you a discount when you order 3 or more essence fusions on-line. We want you to choose your own 3-step protocol to reclaim emotional balance
1. Release mental control --> 2. Heal the past --> 3. Instil self-esteem, self-nurturing, empowerment and happiness
Step #3 is repeated once a month for just 3-5 days. We do this to prevent you from falling back into an habitual disempowered state
Don't forget to assist your children when they are going through challenging change such as a family breakup, re-location, foster care, bullying, or isolation due to the pandemic. We offer gentle essence formulas designed especially for children and teens
We don't try to address or fix psychological issues in children. We simply help them to feel happy and feel good about themselves. Most often that the best kind of help you can give your children!
Why it is so important to UN-Learn your life ...
Would you like assistance with shifting your life, your beliefs, and your emotional state of being? We offer photo testing and consultation services
#controlissues #perfectionist #narcissist